Sarcastic Quotes

» Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

» It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman

» It's a catastrophic success.

» I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
- Stephen Bishop

» History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

» No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
» I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
» I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
» I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
» I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx

» The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

» The 100% American is 99% idiot.
» The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- George Bernard Shaw

» He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
» Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
- Oscar Wilde

» He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
- Victor Borge

» I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
» Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
» Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
» Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
» I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
- Mark Twain

» I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

» If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
- Charles Pierce

» You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen